Awareness of Narcissistic Tactics: Do They Know or Believe They Are Unique?

A pervasive myth surrounds narcissists and the methods they use to manipulate and control their victims: many believe these tactics are highly individual and unique to them. However, the truth is much more nuanced. Some narcissists are acutely aware of their behavior, while others see themselves as victims or believe their methods are singular. This article explores this duality and the impact it has on both the narcissist and their victims.

Some Narcissists Are Aware of Their Tactics

There are those narcissists who are thoroughly aware of the effect their behavior has on others and the tools they employ to dominate and isolate their targets. One particular relationship I had with a covert narcissist woman exemplifies this. She was familiar with the Enneagram personality test and self-identified as a Type 4, which aligns with many traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) at lower health levels. Contrary to her awareness, she refused to acknowledge her narcissistic tendencies, reacting in shock and anger when the term “narcissistic” was brought up. This denial was evident, and over the years, her manipulation followed a clear narcissistic cycle script.

She exhibited all the traits of a narcissist, and she was fully conscious of her actions. Each behavior she displayed aligned precisely with the narcissistic cycle, leading to her easy identification when I began researching the disorder. This woman knew exactly what she was doing, yet she never admitted it or sought to change her behavior. Instead, she blamed others for her actions, consistently portraying herself as the victim. Her pattern in relationships – a short period of time before she moved on – suggests a strategic and tactical approach to manipulating her partners.

Belief in Uniqueness Despite Commonality

Other narcissists such as the pwNPD (Predictable Narcissist on Purpose) may believe their manipulative tactics are unique. They are often unaware that their behavior is highly predictable and easily recognizable to those with sufficient insight into NPD. For instance, the pwNPD I knew was convinced that his methods were entirely his own. He failed to realize that his friends left him because he was abusive and manipulative. He consistently blamed others, completely ignoring his own role in the failure of each relationship.

Interestingly, this pwNPD was familiar with the term gaslighting, which I had explained to him in several contexts. However, his understanding of this term did not change his behavior. Examples of my teaching him included:

“Stop trying to gaslight me!” “Do you know what gaslighting means? Because you’re really good at it!” “There you go, gaslighting again.”

These interactions demonstrated that while he was aware of the term, his comprehension and application of it did not prevent him from continuing to employ gaslighting tactics.

The Impact on Victims

The lack of awareness or the belief in uniqueness among narcissists can have severe consequences for their victims. Those who are manipulated by narcissists are often unaware of what is happening to them until it is too late. The tactics used to isolate and control them are subtle and insidious. Gaslighting, for instance, involves manipulating someone's perception of reality to make them doubt their own sanity, making it difficult for the victim to recognize the manipulation.

Victims may find themselves questioning their own judgment and sanity, leading to feelings of confusion, trauma, and even mental health issues. The behavior of narcissists is often systematic and strategic, designed to keep their victims in a state of perpetual doubt and dependence.

Conclusion

In conclusion, whether or not narcissists are aware of their tactics, and whether they believe these tactics are unique to them, these factors significantly impact both their behavior and their victims. Understanding these nuances can help in recognizing and addressing NPD, ultimately leading to better coping mechanisms and support for those affected.

Keywords: Narcissism, Gaslighting, Manipulative Tactics