When a Child Struggles with an Activity: Balancing Resilience and Parental Genuineness
As a parent, you face the difficult task of finding the right balance between teaching your child resilience and fulfilling their interests. Encouraging resilience is important, but does this mean pushing them into an activity they dread? The answer is a bit more nuanced.
Understanding the Problem
Parents often struggle with whether to support their child's desire to quit an activity they are terrible at, or to persist in the hope that they will improve. It is important to consider the following points:
The Right Time to Quit
There is a misconception that persistence is always the best approach. Pushing a child too hard can lead to resentment and a hostile relationship. If a child hates an activity, it is better to let them quit and move on to something they enjoy. Enjoyment is crucial for fostering a positive attitude towards learning and growth.
The Importance of Enjoyment
As parents, it is important to consider whether the activity is genuinely something the child wants to do. Sometimes, parents may sign their children up for activities they believe will benefit them, without considering the child's actual interests. This can lead to frustration and resentment instead of resilience.
Encouraging Adaptation and Experience
If a child has a specific interest, such as wanting to play the flute, it is important to support them in that pursuit. However, if they are forced to continue an activity they despise, consider alternatives. For instance, if they have started playing baseball and now want to quit, encourage them to finish the season or take on a different role, such as becoming a statistician. If they are giving up on something they had to promise to do, such as selling an expensive drum kit, it can teach them the value of commitments and responsibility.
Is Resilience Worth the Effort?
Resilience is a valuable trait, but it does not necessarily come from forcing a child to endure something they hate. Instead of teaching them to push through pain and frustration, consider whether the goal is genuinely beneficial. If the child is truly terrible at an activity, is it worth making them unhappy and frustrated? It is important to distinguish between resilience and learned helplessness. Being forced to finish something may not cultivate true resilience, but rather resentment and a sense of helplessness.
An Educational Approach
Reflect on the underlying reasons why your child is involved in a particular activity. Were they signed up by you, or is it an interest they genuinely have? Consider their actual interests and preferences when making decisions about future activities. This can help prevent frustration and resentment and may even turn them into a passion.
Conclusion
Teaching resilience is important, but it is not always the best approach when a child is struggling with an activity. Focus on supporting their interests and fostering a positive attitude towards learning. Encouragement and understanding are key to helping your child develop into a resilient and happy individual.