Why Would People Choose to Raise Children Without a Gender?

There are compelling reasons why some parents opt for a gender-neutral approach to raising their children. These parents are often driven by a desire to provide their child with the best opportunity to make their own informed choices, free from the constraints of tradition-based gender stereotypes. Many believe that by minimizing the influence of predetermined gender norms, they can help their children realize their full potential and find self-actualization. However, the path to gender-neutral parenting is fraught with challenges and questions that need to be addressed.

Social and Psychological Understanding of Gender

The concept of gender is complex and continues to be debated in psychological and sociological circles. One viewpoint suggests that we should strive to be “gender blind”, while another asserts that psychological differences between men and women are largely the result of acculturation and societal pressures rather than inherent biological differences. The U.S. society oscillates between these two perspectives, often vacillating in its stance on the issue. This ongoing debate creates confusion and disagreement among experts and parents alike, highlighting the need for a clearer understanding of what it truly means to be a man or a woman in terms of identity and psychology.

Navigating Innate Differences

Another significant challenge in gender-neutral parenting is the lack of consensus on how to approach any innate differences that may exist between genders. This is a highly contentious issue, especially in the tech and business communities. For instance, at Google and Microsoft, there have been heated discussions about gender differences and their implications for workplace diversity. Some argue that due to inherent biological differences, the workforce composition may naturally favor one gender over the other, even in a non-sexist environment. This argument has been particularly contentious, as it raises concerns about certain gender disparities, such as the underrepresentation of women in STEM fields and leadership positions.

Conversely, there is little push to address other areas where gender imbalances are equally significant, such as the overrepresentation of women in the homeless population, in prison, and in wartime military combat casualties. These disparities highlight the inconsistency in how we address gender-related issues. One might question whether natural gender tendencies, such as men being more aggressive and women being more agreeable, should be counteracted. Should we intervene to suppress what are perceived as negative traits, or should we instead reinforce these “natural strengths” by providing sensitivity training for boys and assertiveness training for girls?

Gender Neutrality vs. Gender Identity

There is a commonly held belief that sex and gender are separate concepts, with sex representing the biological differences and gender being a construct built upon those biological differences. However, many experts argue that it is more accurate to view gender as a framework that emerges from the biological sex. This means that without a clear understanding of what it means to be a man or a woman, it can be challenging to navigate the complexities of gender identity and roles. The fear of women inhibiting themselves to meet societal expectations or men embracing what is viewed as “toxic masculinity” further complicates the issue. Given these uncertainties, it is not surprising that some parents opt to minimize gender issues entirely, believing that it will help their children form their identities more freely and without prejudice.

Supporters of gender-neutral parenting argue that by fostering a non-gendered environment, children can develop a more nuanced understanding of gender roles, recognize the fluidity of gender, and feel more comfortable in their own skin as they grow older. This approach can help them avoid the pressures and stereotypes that often arise from traditional gender roles, allowing them to explore different aspects of their identity without preconceived expectations or biases.