Do Narcissists Call Their Adult Children?

The term narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is often used to describe individuals who are self-centered, entitled, and manipulate others for personal gain. One of the most damaging behaviors associated with NPD is the way such individuals treat their own children, including their adult offspring. This article delves into the disturbing patterns of behavior that narcissists exhibit towards their adult children, particularly in cases where they are seeking something from them.

Manipulation and Exploitation

For a narcissist, their children are merely stepping stones to achieving their own goals. This is not limited to just financial or emotional support; it can also involve dragging their children into bitter family disputes or exploiting their authority and position for personal gain. The article by My ex did... highlights a particularly chilling example of this behavior.

My ex, who exhibited NPD, called the children cunt and called his sons 'stupid, lazy drug stashed idiots.' He even went as far as calling his oldest son 'fat' with a 'loser boyfriend who was an alcoholic.' This is consistent with the behaviors of a narcissist, who uses harsh and derogatory language to manipulate and control their children.

The Psychology Behind It

Narcissists often lack empathy and genuine concern for others' feelings. They may be openly or covertly critical of their children, using insults, condescension, and belittlement to assert their dominance. The purpose is to instill a sense of powerlessness and shame in their children, rendering them more susceptible to manipulation and exploitation. This can lead to severe emotional damage and long-lasting psychological trauma.

Another psychological aspect is the phenomenon of disavowal. Narcissists often blame their children for any shortcomings or failures, asserting that they are to blame for any issues in the family. This can create a scenario where the children feel responsible for the entire family and are driven to constantly seek their parent's approval and validation.

Signs of a Narcissistic Parent

They constantly compare their children to their peers, highlighting their shortcomings.

Their children feel undermined and criticized, despite any achievements.

There are frequent verbal or emotional outbursts, often saying hurtful things to control the family.

The parent seeks attention and validation, often by making their children feel guilty or responsible for their well-being.

There is a pattern of disrupting family dynamics, often favoring the narcissist's needs over the siblings and their relationship with each other.

These behaviors can be deeply damaging and may even result in lasting psychological issues for the adult children. Understanding the signs and recognizing the patterns of NPD is crucial in taking steps to protect oneself from such toxic dynamics.

Breaking Free from the Cycle

Surviving a relationship with a narcissistic parent can be incredibly challenging. Breaking free from the cycle requires a combination of self-care, support from other loved ones, and, in some cases, professional help. Here are a few key steps:

Recognize the signs: Understanding what NPD looks like is the first step towards recovery.

Seek support: Connect with other individuals or support groups who have experienced similar relationships.

Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and communicate them assertively.

Consider therapy: Professional help can provide a safe space to process emotions and develop coping strategies.

Ultimately, the goal is to heal and rebuild a healthy sense of self and identity, free from the toxic influence of NPD.

Conclusion

The behavior of my ex, as described in the article, is a profound example of how NPD can impact adult relationships, particularly in cases where the children of narcissists are left to deal with their parent's whims. Recognizing these patterns, understanding the psychology behind NPD, and seeking the necessary support are essential steps in breaking free from the cycle of emotional abuse and manipulation.

For individuals who have experienced such dynamics, it is crucial to prioritize self-care and seek the help of professionals to navigate the emotional waters and build a healthier, more fulfilling life.