Encouraging Sharing in Children: A Gentle Approach

As a parent, it's natural to want your child to be kind and generous, especially when it comes to sharing. However, the concept of sharing is not natural for young children. It's a skill that needs to be taught and nurtured over time. Punishing a child for not sharing can backfire. Instead, parents can use positive reinforcement and gentle encouragement to help their children understand the value of sharing.

Understanding Why Children Refuse to Share

It's important to recognize that young children often struggle with the idea of sharing. According to Paula F. Siegel, a child psychologist, sharing isn't a natural behavior and it's something that needs to be taught and learned over time (Siegel, 2016). A child's reluctance to share often stems from a lack of understanding of the concept. They may view sharing as their toys being taken away.

The Case of the Makeup Lady

Imagine this scenario: a couple comes over for dinner. After dinner, the hostess goes to the bathroom. When she returns, she is holding the host's expensive makeup products, and she expresses her love for them. This might have seemed innocent, but in a similar way, when your child doesn't want to share, she's essentially "borrowing" something she wants to play with.

The husband, with a set of antique smoking pipes passed down from their family, comes into the picture. He shares with his wife by handing her a pipe, something he holds dear. This example highlights the emotional significance of personal items. For the child, toys are often seen as prized possessions, and sharing them can be as challenging as your husband handing over his precious pipes.

Imagine the scenario from their perspective. How would you feel if someone took something of yours without asking? That is how your child may feel when she's asked to share her toys. It's important to validate these feelings and explain why sharing is still important.

Tips for Encouraging Sharing in Children

Using Positive Language

To help your child understand the concept of sharing, start by using the word "share" more often. For instance, if you're having two cookies, say, "Here, sweetie, let's share my cookies with you." This sets a positive tone that sharing is a good thing.

Incorporating Sharing into Daily Activities

Introduce sharing activities in a way that makes it fun. For example, when coloring, ask your child if she'd like to share her crayons. If she has a favorite toy or dessert, offer to share it with her. For instance, "Do you have anything yummy you'd like to share with me?" and then produce the ice cream, explaining that you'll both enjoy it together.

By making sharing a fun and positive experience, you can help your child understand that sharing doesn't mean giving something up forever. It means temporarily allowing someone else to enjoy it with you. You can also share your things with her too, teaching her that it's okay to allow others to use them for a little while.

Creating Opportunities for Sharing

When your child is playing with another child, suggest that she might want to share one of her toys. For example, if she's playing with a friend, say, "Why don't you share one of your toys with your friend? You both can play together." Encourage the other child to appreciate your child's toy, building positive associations with sharing.

Understanding Child Development

It's important to remember that some behaviors that children exhibit at two years old will simply disappear as they grow. You can't force a child to share when they are not developmentally ready, just as you wouldn't try to make a two-year-old understand the concept of morality. Instead, create opportunities where sharing can occur naturally. Over time, as they grow older, they will gradually learn the importance of sharing.

Children are like the makeup lady with the pipe. They value their possessions deeply, and sharing can feel like a vulnerability or a potential loss. However, by introducing sharing in a positive and gradual way, you can help your child understand that sharing is not about loss but about friendship and generosity.

In summary, teaching children to share is a gradual process that requires patience and positive reinforcement. Avoid punishment, and instead, use gentle encouragement and positive language to help your child develop this essential life skill. By doing so, you'll foster a kinder, more generous child who understands the joy of sharing with others.

References

Siegel, P. F. (2016). Why Parents Need to Stop Pressuring Their Kids to Share Everything.