Feedback on IELTS Sample Writing for Effective Task Achievement

To provide tailored feedback on your IELTS sample writing, I would need to see the text you have written. Please share your writing sample, and I can offer comments on areas such as coherence, vocabulary, grammar, and overall task achievement.

Coherence and Vocabulary

Your main point is expressed clearly, but from the first two sentences, it is important to include examples of activities that may not seem very productive. This helps to substantiate your argument and make it more compelling. Consider the following example:

Though many students see extracurricular activities as time-consuming, these activities play a crucial role in developing essential life skills such as teamwork and leadership.

Grammar and Structure

The grammar leaves more than a bit to be desired! Also, you spend too much time trying to make your argument work. It is crucial to distill your thoughts into a tighter framework before you start writing. After you have checked the grammar diligently, use a thesaurus to look for better phrases and keep your sentences short and concise.

I think you have some grammar and punctuation issues to address. Using a grammar checker and/or the word processor's function would help. Here is a revised paragraph for your consideration:

A healthy mind requires a healthy body. Knowledge on maintaining good health is essential. However, your paragraph revolving around whether parents can or should help with that education is weak and probably not useful in presenting your argument. The rest of the grammar and phraseology are easily amendable to capture your underlying message.

Revising Your Paragraphs

The piece is missing an easily identifiable main point to act as a starter. This somewhat causes the rest of the paragraphs to drive in circles a bit. However, your final paragraph is actually not bad and could be used as the leading paragraph. Here is a quick amendment for your general illumination, but not necessarily suitable for your specific purposes:

A balanced life is important for the overall well-being of any individual. While student life is not entirely focused on academic activities, it should not be. Curriculum designers and policymakers must include physical education to provide a well-rounded education for students. Academic studies are vital in our modern information-oriented society. This is not in dispute. Financial stability, social status, and overall personal productivity are directly linked to a better education. This leads to many students and parents complaining that the time taken up by physical education is at the expense of academic activities, which are seen as more important for university entry and career-building later on. Not always recognized, however, is that physical activities also build teamwork, which is crucial for well-being and career-building potential. Regardless of the pros and cons, physical education is part of the mandate of public education in any country. The realities of modern life do demand that the educational establishment take up the shortfall and use the next best thing available to help build collaborative skills in children.

Conclusion

I hope these suggestions are helpful. Remember, the goal is not perfection but a clear, concise, and well-structured argument. Good luck on the IELTS!