From School Bully to Reunion: Reflections on Untapped Regret

Have any of you ever been the victim of bullying at school and met the same bully years later? It’s a journey that’s often tumultuous, filled with a mixture of emotions ranging from anger to hope for genuine remorse. In this article, we delve into personal experiences and reflections on how these encounters unfold, offering insights into the psychology behind bullying and the potential for change.

Struggle with Regret and Redemption

Throughout my school years, there were several individuals who were mean and bullied me. Some of them felt remorseful and sought to make amends, while others chose to remain aloof. Those with true regret were met with an open conversation, but when confronted with the depth of their offenses, many of those individuals faced the stark reality that change is not always within reach.

At my 10-year high school reunion, I noticed an individual whose name was listed on the guest list. I cringed, as I would have preferred to skip the event if I knew he would be there. Throughout the reunion, we had several face-to-face encounters. Initially, he launched into taunting and malevolent tirades, but over time, his demeanor shifted. He seemed surprised that I was no longer the weak, unknowing target. He understood the gravity of his actions and remained unapologetic.

Instead of engaging in a hate-filled email, I chose to avoid further interaction, believing he would attempt to portray himself as the victim. While I didn’t receive the admission of guilt I sought, his silence was a form of consolation. Since then, I’ve blocked him on all social media platforms, grateful that not all adults exhibit such behavior.

The Psychology Behind Bullying

Why do people become bullies? Often, they possess high self-esteem, albeit based on very little, and an overwhelming sense of entitlement. Their enjoyment of feeling superior can lead to aggressive behavior. Does anything short of a catastrophic event truly change them? Absolutely not. Growing up in a low-income town with schools run by the children of local town leaders, I witnessed the bullying firsthand. These individuals were mediocre and arrogant, and their bullying behavior was a reflection of their inflated sense of self-importance.

For instance, one homely girl, short and with a big nose, sat in the first row of every class. We had to sit alphabetically, and the teachers would often hand back papers to the front row. She would draw derogatory symbols on mine and even used her stapler to staple my exam shut. Another individual, known as a "football hero," was fat and had an average appearance with severe acne. When I tried to sell him a homemade cake, he overstepped his boundaries and made inappropriate remarks.

Despite their bullying, both of these individuals friended me on Facebook years later. The woman, still unaccomplished but with a seemingly content life, stopped talking to me shortly after I accepted her friend request. The man remained a jerk and unfriended me once again. These encounters raise important questions about human nature and the potential for redemption.

Lessons from Exploited Bullies

These experiences highlight the untenable belief that bullies will naturally change. Many cling to the delusion that their former victims will seek them out and want to reconcile. However, true remorse and change are rare and often superficial. While it’s tempting to harbor hope for redemption, it’s important to recognize that some people may never evolve beyond their bully behavior.

Reflecting on these encounters, it’s clear that not everyone will change, regardless of the time that passes. For some, bullies may never outgrow their entitled attitudes or learn from their actions. It’s essential to recognize when to move on and to seek healing from the past rather than continuously seeking closure from those who didn’t change.

Through personal reflections and experiences, we gain a deeper understanding of the intricacies of bullying and the complexities of human nature. It’s a reminder to prioritize our own well-being and to recognize that genuine change is not always possible or desirable.