Healing from a Physically and Mentally Abusive Relationship: Steps to Reclaim Your Worth and Independence

I understand the pain you may be experiencing, as I was in a similar situation for three years. I believe I can offer some guidance and support. Being in a physically and mentally abusive relationship can shatter your sense of self and make you feel inferior or not good enough. It's crucial to start the journey of self-compassion and rebuilding your identity.

Saying Positive Affirmations

A powerful way to begin redefining your worth is by repeating positive affirmations. Stand in front of a mirror and say, I am worthy of love and respect as many times as you can. Verbalizing these affirmations can help your brain internalize them, gradually shifting your mindset from one of worthlessness to one of self-love. Remember, healing is a process, and repetition is key.

Embracing Soulful Literature

Reading literature that resonates with your emotional journey can be incredibly healing. Two highly recommended books are R.H. Sin's poetry and quotes and Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur. Their works have helped countless individuals find solace and validation. Here's a powerful quote from Milk and Honey:

ldquo;You cannot be broken by a thousand problems, you are the sky that holds them all.rdquo;

Recognize and Name the Abuse

If your partner has ever physically hurt you, called you names, made you fear for your safety, or forced sexual activity upon you, this was likely abuse. It's essential to acknowledge this to understand your feelings better. Abusive partners often exhibit traits such as a lack of empathy, possessiveness, jealousy, and selfishness. It's crucial not to hold onto any hopes of changing such individuals, as they may repeat their behaviors.

Seek Professional Help

Having a professional support system is vital. Consider speaking with a therapist or joining a support group for victims of partner violence or assault. Listening to others' stories can make you feel less alone and provide valuable insights and advice for moving forward.

Cut the Abuser Out of Your Life

To begin the healing process, it's essential to distance yourself from the abuser. Do not contact them, do not check their social media, and remove any objects or pictures that trigger unpleasant emotions and memories. Your brain chemistry is similar to that of a recovering drug addict. You need to cut out the poison to start healing and learn to find sources of support, comfort, and joy.

Make Your Health a Priority

Taking care of your health is crucial for feeling less dependent on abusive people. Focus on nourishing your body with healthy food and exercise, even when you don't feel like it. Creative activities can provide an outlet for intense emotions, while physical projects like gardening, baking, or woodworking can help you channel your energy positively.

Reach Out to Friends and Family

Connect with friends and family who do not have any ties to your abuser. Ideally, they should be people who support and uplift you. Reconnect with childhood friends or meet new people by joining sports teams or art classes. You are worth surrounding yourself with people who embody positive traits.

Focus on Your Interests

Now is the perfect time to develop a passion or interest you haven't had time for. Engaging in creative activities can help process intense emotions, while physical projects can provide a positive outlet for your energy. These activities can also give you something outside of the abusive relationship to focus on.

Try Short-Term Dating

Only date new people if you feel ready, but don't get into another relationship for at least a year. Healing takes time, and jumping back into a relationship too soon can derail your progress. Focus on building self-reliance and ensuring you're ready to navigate a new relationship healthily.

Cultivate Self-Compassion

Begin by saying I love you to yourself, even if you don't feel it. Be kind to yourself and visualize yourself as a strong, independent person. With time and effort, you will start to embody this new identity. Transition from seeing yourself as a victim to a survivor, someone who is brave, strong, and capable of getting through anything. Fight for yourself because you are the most important person to focus on.