Is It Okay to Seek a Hug from Your School Counselor or Therapist?

Is It Okay to Seek a Hug from Your School Counselor or Therapist?

Understanding Hugs in a Therapeutic Setting

It is natural and okay to have the urge to ask your school counselor or therapist for a hug. Different individuals and professionals may have varying comfort levels and approaches to physical touch. For some, like my therapist, hugs can be both soothing and therapeutic, even when offered without being explicitly requested. However, others may find this form of physical contact uncomfortable or inappropriate.

My therapist was not only okay with hugs but would sometimes offer them spontaneously. Typically, if I was visibly upset or crying, he would gently extend his arms and offer a hug. These were never fleeting; they were long, tight hugs, which I found comforting. He would often say, 'Come here,' in a gentle tone. Even though I was light, typically weighing about 90 pounds, the hug was always given with a careful catch. The gesture was not just a physical one but an emotional support method.

The Dilemma of Asking for a Hug

While it’s understandable to want a hug from a trusted professional like a therapist, it’s important to consider the professional boundaries and the potential responses. In my case, I would love a hug from my therapist but I would never ask for one. The fear of rejection, shame, and embarrassment would be too overwhelming. Additionally, many therapists do not allow any form of physical touch as part of their therapeutic practices.

It is crucial to recognize that your counselor or therapist may set limits around physical contact, especially with minors. Exploring the urge to seek a hug can be beneficial, but it should be done with the intent of understanding your emotional needs and motivations rather than fulfilling the urge itself.

Alternatives to Seeking a Hug from a Therapist

While you do need hugs and emotional support, it is safer to find these needs fulfilled by other sources. Family, friends, and intimate partners can provide the comfort and physical touch you are seeking. Your therapeutic relationship should focus on addressing your psychological and emotional well-being rather than physical proximity.

Navigating the Hug Uprise

Urges are always acceptable, but the actions you take in response to them are what matter. If you find yourself wanting a hug from a therapist, ask yourself why. Is the urge driven by a need for comfort, reassurance, or perhaps a desire for intimacy? Exploring these motivations can help you address deeper emotional issues.

Be prepared for the possibility of rejection. My rule of thumb with in-person therapy was never to initiate a hug with clients. If a client did offer a hug, I would generally accept it without escalating the situation. However, I might provide some context or explanation, such as 'It sounds like you might be feeling overwhelmed. Let’s discuss that.'

Physical contact in therapy can be a double-edged sword. While it can be therapeutic, the potential for rejection and emotional pain is real. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s best to approach it with low expectations but an open heart. Different professionals have different approaches to hugs, so it’s important to understand their boundaries and respect them.