Messages That Truly Make INTJs Feel Appreciated and Understood

INTJs, like all personality types, value genuine connection and mutual understanding. However, what constitutes a truly appreciative and understanding message for an INTJ is often misunderstood. It’s not just the words spoken, but the motivation and intention behind them.

The Power of Questions Over Statements

One of the best ways to show an INTJ that you understand them is through the use of questions. For instance, saying, “How would you feel/think about that?” demonstrates respect for their individuality and allows them to explain their perspective. This approach shows that you value their thoughts and aren't trying to impose your own views on them. It's a subtle way to engage their logical and analytical minds.

The Motivation Behind the Message

It's not just about the words but the intent behind them. An INTJ will only be receptive to a message if they believe the person genuinely means it. Saying, “You’re so smart” or “You excel at that” can come across as genuine, but it must be combined with a genuine effort to understand their thoughts and feelings. Simply stating these things without the intention to truly understand is seen as superficial and insincere.

Actions vs Words

Actions speak louder than words, especially to an INTJ. What really matters is whether the person's actions align with their words and behavior towards the INTJ and others. Demonstrating understanding not only through words but through consistent, empathetic actions is what truly resonates with an INTJ. If you truly appreciate them, it will become evident through your actions, not just your words.

Communication and Emotion

INTJs value clear and logical communication. They often need messages that are well-thought-out and based on a deep understanding of their thinking and emotional processes. Statements like, “That makes perfect sense to me” or “I can see why you feel that way” show that you are trying to understand their logic and emotional responses. It’s important to not just acknowledge their feelings, but to truly enter into their state of mind.

Observations That Validate Their Efforts

INTJs excel in specific areas, and messages that acknowledge their achievements and efforts in those areas can be deeply appreciated. Comments like, “You’re so smart” or “You excel at that” are validations of their intellectual capabilities. Similarly, questions about the books they read, like “What kind of books do you read?” can spark a deep conversation about their interests and values.

Ultimately, what makes an INTJ feel truly appreciated and understood is a combination of genuine empathy, logical communication, and a consistent alignment between words and actions. By showing respect for their individuality and valuing their insights, you can build a meaningful connection with an INTJ.