The Nonthinkable Question About Narcissists - Emotional Control and Reaction to Criticism

Do narcissists really believe they can dictate what you should say or how you act? This is a question often thrown at individuals who find themselves in relationships with people who exhibit narcissistic personality traits. The answer is a resounding yes. However, it’s important to understand the mindset and behaviors of those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to fully comprehend why they respond so strongly to criticism or guidance.

Entitled Aspects of NPD

Narcissists are deeply engrained in a sense of entitlement. They believe they are superior and thus, they perpetuate the idea that they can dictate to others on how things should be done, even when their perceptions do not align with reality. This entitlement extends to their own rules, which are often dictated with a sense of authority that others must follow.

The Dynamics in Relationships Involving Narcissists

In the context of a relationship, especially where one partner is a narcissist, there are certain behaviors and characteristics to watch out for. Female narcissists, for example, can pretend to be in control of their male partner, even behind his back. They might claim they don’t want to know, but in reality, they often are behind the scenes pulling the strings.

This control dynamic can extend to emotional manipulation, where the narcissist dictates how their partner should act, makes choices, and essentially navigate their life. When someone does not obey or comply, the narcissist can become extremely defensive, even to the point of anger or aggression.

Responding to Narcissistic Control

Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging. Replying with the same entitlement can be effective. For instance, asserting your own boundaries and not allowing the narcissist to dictate your behavior can lead to a confrontation. In one case, the individual stated that their ex would become furious and change body language to pretend she would slap them. This reaction from a narcissist reveals their insecurities and the need to maintain control.

The Hypocrisy of Narcissists

Narcissists are often seen contradicting themselves without realizing the irony. They will dictate what you should say and how you should act, asserting that it's disrespectful if you don’t comply. Yet, they will later mock and over-dramatize the situation, claiming they are right about everything. This self-assuredness often blinds them to their own hypocrisy.

One person recounted how their ex would contradict themselves and explain the behavior by blaming the other party or providing incoherent explanations that were followed by breaking something and storming out. This highlights the deeply rooted control issues and lack of self-awareness that often accompany narcissistic personality traits.

What to Do if You're in a Relationship with a Narcissist

For those who find themselves in such relationships, it's crucial to consider the future. If you're dating someone with NPD, it may be beneficial to end the relationship, as it can be psychologically draining. Instead, it's advisable to seek a relationship with someone who can communicate like a mature adult, providing emotional stability and mutual respect.

Alternatively, if you wish to pursue a connection with individuals who have control issues, consider volunteering or working with people with intellectual disabilities or cognitive impairments. You will find a rewarding and fulfilling experience that provides genuine support and understanding.

Understanding the behavior and mindset of narcissists can help you navigate such relationships for your betterment. Recognizing their patterns of manipulation and control is the first step towards a healthier and more fulfilling life.