Navigating Care for a Parent with Dementia Who Refuses Assistance

When a loved one, especially a parent, is diagnosed with dementia, it can be a challenging and emotional journey. If your mother has dementia but refuses to acknowledge it and rejects any assistance, it's important to approach the situation with patience, understanding, and kindness. This guide provides strategies and tips to help you navigate these circumstances and ensure your mother's well-being while respecting her autonomy.

Seeking Help and Support

In the United States, you can contact Elder Services and speak with a Social Worker. These professionals can offer guidance and resources to help you navigate the complex emotional and practical needs that arise during this time. Remember, everyone is different, so there is no one-size-fits-all solution.

Communication and Patience

The first step is to understand that your mother's denial is a common reaction to the diagnosis. It's important not to try to force her to accept her condition or the need for help. Here are some strategies to help you communicate without causing frustration:

Be kind and gentle: Approach the situation with compassion and understanding. She might forget that she has been diagnosed, and dwell on trying to convince her to acknowledge it is a waste of emotional energy. Focused on yourself: Concentrate on your own actions and reactions instead of trying to control the situation. This can help you manage stress and maintain your composure. Distractions: Use distractions to de-escalate situations. Singing a familiar song, such as "'Que Sera Sera," can be a powerful tool. People with dementia often find it irresistible, providing a momentary distraction. Encourage cooperation: Encourage your mother to cooperate with important milestones and activities. For instance, you can suggest that you do something together, such as preparing a meal or engaging in a simple activity.

Ensuring Safety and Support

As dementia progresses, your mother may need more supervision and support to ensure her safety and well-being. Here are some practical measures to consider:

Vigilance: Keep an eye on potential dangers in the home. Ensure all appliances are off, the heating/cooling system is set appropriately, and doors and windows are secure. Regular visits: If your mother is living alone, arrange for visits from reliable friends or family members several times a day to check on her well-being. Escort all ventures outside: Ensure that your mother is escorted when she ventures outside, even if she is walking a short distance. This can prevent accidents and ensure her safety.

Eating and Daily Meals

Mealtimes can be challenging for a person with dementia. Here are some strategies to help make mealtime easier:

Supervision: Have a family member, such as your sister, supervise breakfast and meals. This can be a supportive and encouraging presence. Language skills: Adapt your conversations to her current level of cognitive function. Instead of repeatedly explaining past events, agree with her that it's a pity she hasn't seen a certain person. This can avoid further distress. Incremental serving: Serve small amounts on tiny plates. This can help her feel a sense of achievement and avoid the frustration of feeling full too quickly.

Managing Medications and Emergencies

Ensure that your mother's medical needs are well-managed:

Medical records: Update her medical records to reflect accurate details, including current medications and regular health professionals. Include contact details for three people who can assist when needed. Contact details: Place contact details for reliable family members or neighbors in her purse or wallet in case of emergencies. Speed-dial: Set up an automatic speed dial on her mobile and home phones so that responsible help can be found quickly.

Encouraging Hydration and Nutritious Eating

Hydration and proper nutrition are crucial for your mother:

Water intake: Encourage her to drink water, even if it takes a long time. People with dementia often don't feel thirsty or hungry to the same degree as those with a healthy brain. Bathroom visits: Take her to the bathroom before asking about it, as her body might start eliminating immediately when prompted. Tasks and chores: If she fails to complete frequent tasks like house chores or gardening, point them out gently without causing distress.

Encouraging Positive Interactions

By staying positive and encouraging your mother, you can help make her daily life more enjoyable:

Mention achievements: Praise her for things she has done for the family and recall her past positive contributions. Stay patient: Be patient and compassionate, even when she repeats something or behaves in ways that are difficult to understand. Quality time: Spend quality time with her, focusing on activities that she enjoys and can still perform.

Remember, each person is unique, and the progression of dementia can vary greatly. Stay informed and seek support when needed to ensure your mother's well-being and your peace of mind.

Keywords: Dementia care, Alzheimer’s disease, Elderly support