Navigating Funerals as an Autistic: Emotions, Challenges, and Coping Strategies

Funerals are a deeply emotional and often challenging experience for many, and this is amplified for individuals on the autism spectrum. This article explores the personal experiences of those who find it hard to attend and process funerals due to their autism, highlighting common struggles and offering coping strategies to help navigate these complex situations with grace and understanding.

Struggles with Funerals and Autism

For some individuals, funerals can feel like a mix of tragedy and social obligations. This might involve preparing oneself as if it were a formal event, such as a job interview or a ceremonial occasion. The challenge lies not only in the external expectations but also in the internal emotional landscape one must manage. Many autistic individuals struggle to outwardly express their grief, leading to a sense of deep emotional isolation. An individual's experience with a family member's funeral, like their grandfather, is a poignant example. While the individual felt emotional and even embarrassed by their appearance and the scrutiny from family members, they managed to keep their grief internalized.

Autism and Sensory and Neural Overload in Religious Settings

Funerals often involve religious rituals, which can be particularly challenging for autistic individuals. These services can trigger Tourette Syndrome symptoms, often leading to disruptions and difficulties in remaining quiet or staying seated. This sensory and neural overload can make the experience even more daunting, overshadowing the solemnity of the occasion.

Emotional Challenges for Everyone

It is important to note that emotional challenges during funerals are not exclusive to those with autism. Funerals are inherently difficult events, filled with complex emotions and social expectations. However, for autistic individuals, these challenges are amplified due to differences in emotional processing and social cognition. The author of this piece mentions attending two funerals for grandparents and acknowledges the difficulty experienced by everyone present.

Coping Strategies and Personal Reflections

Despite the challenges, there are strategies that can help individuals manage these experiences. Some people choose to grieve privately, revisiting warm and happy memories without the pressure of public displays. This approach allows for genuine expression of emotions without the need to comply with social norms or performance expectations. Others might find alternative ways to pay their respects, such as sending a written message or a compassionate thought, rather than attending the funeral in person.

Struggles with Weddings and Bipolar Disorder

Funerals are not the only occasions that can be emotionally taxing for autistic individuals. Weddings can also pose challenges, particularly for those who struggle with pairing up or social expectations. The author mentions hating weddings and avoiding them because of the pairing aspect, which is a common issue for people who dislike group dynamics or peer pressure. They also mention attending and catching the bouquet twice without finding a partner, further illustrating the emotional and social complexities these events can bring.

The Importance of Understanding and Support

It is crucial for friends, family, and communities to offer understanding and support to individuals who struggle with attending and processing funerals due to their autism. Simple gestures, such as allowing flexibility in attendance, providing a supportive environment when present, and promoting awareness about autism-related challenges, can make significant differences. Additionally, counseling and therapy can be valuable resources for individuals looking to navigate these experiences.