When Should You Follow Your Child's Private Instrument Instructor's Advice on Discipline?
As a parent, you're faced with a decision about whether to follow your child's music instructor's advice to discipline your child by grounding them for requesting a toy that was canceled due to inappropriate behavior in class. This decision isn't only about setting boundaries with your child but also about respecting and maintaining the trust in your music teacher-student relationship.
The Responsibility Lies with the Parent
The ultimate responsibility for your child's discipline falls on you as a parent. Even when a private instructor suggests disciplinary actions, you can take their advice but ultimately, you must make decisions based on what aligns with your values and beliefs.
When you hire a private music instructor, you entrust them with a certain level of authority to manage discipline within the context of your child's lessons. However, this authority does not extend to your personal parenting decisions unless you have explicitly agreed upon such conditions.
Conditions and Boundaries
If the purchase of the toy was conditioned on your child's behavior in the music class, then you should absolutely follow through with the cancellation. On the other hand, if the issue is completely unrelated, you might question the appropriateness of grounded for such a reason.
The private music instructor does not have the authority to dictate parental consequences, but they have contributed to creating an awkward situation. If you were to simply fulfill your child's request for the toy, it might appear as a 'punching down' and could encourage more disruptive behavior in the future.
Addressing the Behavior
It is clear that the instructor views your child's behavior during the class as unacceptable. This behavior needs to be addressed with your child. Private music teachers, unlike many educators, typically do not deal with poor or disrespectful behavior, so you must take steps to address the issue directly.
Before making any decisions, it's important to talk to your child about why the teacher felt that his behavior was inappropriate. He might not realize that his actions exceeded the boundaries set in the music lesson. Encourage him to apologize to the teacher for not respecting the boundaries carefully set for behavior in music lessons.
Child's Motivation and Interest
It's also crucial to assess your child's motivation and interest in learning the instrument. A private music instructor invests a significant amount of time and energy in teaching a child, and if the child is not genuinely interested, it can be extremely frustrating for both of them. Music is an optional pastime, and as the parent, you are the one paying for the lessons.
If your child does not show a genuine interest in learning the instrument, the chances are that any disciplinary efforts on the part of the instructor will be futile. Consider discussing this with your child and together determining if the instrument is something he truly wants to learn.
By taking these steps, you not only address the current issue with the music instructor but also work towards setting clear boundaries and expectations for your child's behavior both in and outside the music lessons.
Good luck, and remember, communication and understanding are key in navigating these challenges.