Reflections on Parental Discipline: A Personal Account

How did your parents discipline you? This question can evoke a range of emotions and memories. While some may speak of the warmth and guidance that came with a light tap on the hand or a gentle word, others might recall an altogether different experience. This article delves into a personal journey of parental discipline, exploring the methods and their impacts.

Mixed Methods and Emotional Damage

Parental discipline often aims to teach not only what is right and wrong but also why these actions are important. However, my experience with discipline was more varied and, at times, quite harsh. My parents used different methods—yelling, physical punishments, and manipulation—to enforce their rules and values.

I predominantly remember being yelled at and threatened. Physical punishment, such as being spanked with a belt or a fly swatter, was a common occurrence until I was around twelve years old. The methods used were not overly violent; the belt was applied on top of my pants, and while the spankings with the fly swatter were painful, I never felt that they caused me actual harm. Conversely, my father's method involved loudly warning that I would receive punishment at some unspecified future time, which he rarely followed through with. Despite his lack of consistent action, the threats left lasting emotional scars.

Emotional and Physical Punishments

If my mother was upset, she would resort to physical punishments as well. On a normal level of anger, we received the belt. However, when she was extremely angry, she would not use a belt but her bare hand. She would often be crying and angry, breaking blood vessels in her hand due to her anger. While it did not hurt us physically, it did leave emotional scars, especially since we were not well-behaved children. On some days, my brothers and I were too much for her to handle.

Another method of punishment included whipping with switches and belts. The physical sensation was unbearable, but the emotional pain was even more profound. My father was particularly cruel one day when he told me, 'You're going to get it. You won't know when but you're going to get it.' An hour or two later, as I turned from the laundry room to the kitchen, he hit me on the face with such force that it opened my lip. This was an evil act, combining emotional and physical trauma.

Parental Overreach and Ritual Punishment

My father's preferred method was to frog-jump me with his hard leather belt around my tiny calves, hitting me so hard that he would grunt with every stroke. The most defining moment occurred when my younger brother Pat and I were caught taking flowers from my father's garden. We had taken them after noticing they were in a bucket and asking our mother, who explained that people buy them if they don't have a garden. Our financial situation was dire, and we were already scrounging for whatever we could find. Nevertheless, my father became extremely angry at our actions and used his stockwhip to lash us on our legs. Despite his size and strength, he was not able to control his anger and the punishment was inordinate.

Despite the severity of the incident, our mother did not intervene to help us. This inaction could be seen as a form of agreement with his overzealous methods. The experience of watching a parent who was supposed to protect and guide you lash out in anger and inflict such pain can leave enduring emotional wounds that are harder to heal.

In conclusion, the methods of parental discipline can vary widely and can have both immediate and long-lasting impacts. It is essential to consider the emotional and physical effects of these practices, as well as the potential for lasting damage. Understanding one's own experiences with discipline can provide valuable insights into the complexities of parenting and the ways in which childhood experiences shape our lives.