Responding to a Narcissistic Co-Parent: What to Do When They Disappear
If you find yourself dealing with a co-parent who is behaving in a narcissistic manner, their absence may be a troubling pattern. This behavior is often motivated by a desire to maintain control, or more insidiously, to cause you and your child emotional and psychological distress.
As a narcissist, they might have assumed that their disappearance would hurt you, and by extension, your child. However, it's crucial to remember that their actions, rooted in a lack of empathy, are not driven by your or your child's wellbeing.
Understanding the Narcissist's Motivation
To effectively counteract this type of behavior, your best defense is to remain unfazed by their disappearance. Acting as if it doesn’t matter to you may serve as a powerful deterrent. Narcissists thrive on attention and reactions, especially when these are emotional and intense. By ignoring them and not baiting them with responses, you reduce their ability to manipulate the situation.
Modifying Visitation and Child Support
Even if the non-custodial parent has not been visiting as scheduled and has not initiated contact or requests to see the child, you still have options. Modify the visitation schedule to align with the actual parenting dynamics. Since child support is based on the income and time spent with the child, increased absences over a period of months may justify raising the support amount.
Serious Considerations: Seeking Legal Advice
Your situation may benefit from further legal guidance. Familiarize yourself with family law specific to your state. Use the law library and online resources to strengthen your understanding of family law and civil procedure. The goal here is to ensure that child support and visitation are fair and reflective of the actual dynamics of parenting.
Documenting Communication for Legal Use
Keep all communication, especially emails, organized and within a reasonable framework. Remember that any communication can be presented in court, particularly if it involves significant changes to visitation or support. Be mindful of the tone and content of your emails, as they may be seen by a judge. Always strive for a reasonable and calm tone, as it will impact the judge's perception of your case.
Strategizing and Filing if Necessary
You might find it advantageous to send a strategic email to the non-custodial parent, questioning their absence during scheduled visits and their lack of notification. Use their response as evidence of their behavior and communication style, which could provide a clear picture to the judge of their willingness to engage with the parenting process.
Lastly, remember that the arrangement of child visitation and custody is not fixed; it is open to modification until the child reaches 18. You are entitled to a support review every two years. This gives you the opportunity to ensure that your child is receiving all the support they are entitled to.
Final Words of Encouragement
Continuing to advocate for your child's needs, despite the actions of a difficult co-parent, is a critical step. Keeping a level head and meticulously documenting any communications can significantly impact the outcome of your legal battles. With persistence and preparation, you can navigate this challenging period and ensure that your child's interests are protected.
Good luck on continuing to be your child's fiercest advocate.