The Art of Advice: Finding the Right Words at the Right Time

Advice isn’t hard to find—lots of people love to give it. Finding good advice is another story...

Sharing Knowledge

I am usually the advice-giver. I’ve read thousands of books, several sets of encyclopedias, and have experienced or read about a lot of things. If I have, I will give the best advice I can.
What is the point of knowing stuff if you can’t share it?

The thing about advice is that about 90% of the time, the person asking for advice already knows the answer or can easily find a decent answer. The issue is, they don’t want to do what the advice says; they want an alternative that is easier on them.

A Prime Example

My nephew knows that I have worked on cars my whole life. He tells me his brakes are squealing. I tell him he probably needs brake pads and if he doesn’t get it done soon, he will cause much more expensive damage and be very unsafe. He knows brakes are expensive, and he would rather buy video games and drink, so he gets mad at me for the free advice. He wanted to hear: “Oh, it’s fine; brakes just do that sometimes.” So, my nephew yells about brakes being too expensive and how I’m wrong and how I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. So, I say okay, have fun with that, and hang up the phone.

Most of the time, this is how it works out. There have been precious few times where someone came back and said to me, “You know, that advice you gave me was fantastic!” Those few times are what keep me going.

A Personal Request for Advice

I should have been told at a very young age: Never loan money. Gift it if you wish, but never loan. It causes hard feelings on both sides. Money is strange that way.

Imbued with Self-Acceptance

What if I had asked for advice?

Context: A 17-year-old Girl with Aspergers and ADHD

I am a 17-year-old girl with Asperger’s and ADHD, currently having academic issues in school. Prior to this, I did pretty okay in school without much difficulty. I never understood the right way to study. Every other classmate seemed to know how to sit at a table, take notes, revise, and study. I never really got that; I tried, I tried so many times.

Entering junior college, I didn't expect my huge drop in grades. I was starting to fail constantly, something I had never done before. Whatever miracles led me through the past years were not going to work. It’s hectic cramming large amounts of information within two years. That's how life is in Singapore, right?

With the stress of the exams coming, I know I am currently underprepared. I am terrified. And I try so hard to do what everyone seems to do with ease. I try notes, I try practice questions, I try reading the notes. But I never developed a study technique. It is my own fault. Yes, and it frustrates me to see that everyone does this so well. It frustrated me to force my brain to focus on lectures in large lecture halls before COVID, where there were 200 or so students, because I am easily distracted. I often wish to be normal just so that I don’t have to deal with trying to adapt to my conditions.

Parental Support and Expectations

Then there are the other issues. My parents love me to bits, and I love them so very much. There have been several incidences where I tried to explain my feelings, only to feel as though I was being drama and invalid. Hence the inability to do so. They make me feel bad for needing classes outside of school; it is expensive, by the way. Eventually, I stopped bothering to open up my feelings and troubles to them. The cost of taking care of me, worry over my studies, and my own worries about not being able to meet their expectations. Yes, I dislike myself. Sometimes, I think if I were “normal,” I wouldn’t be this much of an issue. That’s what I try to avoid thinking, but it is hard.

I have accepted my condition. It’s a part of me. And often, I feel ashamed of that part. That is why I wish I could ask for advice on how to love myself and stop beating myself up over something that I was born with.