The Myth of Success as Revenge: Dealing with Old School Bullies

In today's society, the idea that success can be a form of revenge against bullies from old school days has become a comfort zones for many individuals who have experienced psychological pain. However, the reality is much more complex. Success, in many cases, is not the best or even the most effective way to heal from or address past bullying. Let's delve deeper into this myth and explore the realities of dealing with bullies from the past.

Understanding the Nature of Bullying

Bullying, at its core, is about power and control in the moment. Bullies seek to undermine their victims through various forms of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. The goal is to instill fear, humiliation, and a sense of powerlessness in their targets. Once the bully achieves control and dominion over the victim, the bullying behavior often ceases. Therefore, the point of bullying is not about the lasting impact on the victim's future success or failure, but about the immediate gratification of asserting dominance.

The Bully's Perspective

Bullies typically do not care about their victims' long-term outcomes. In fact, many bullies have their own insecurities and personal challenges that contribute to their behavior. To these individuals, the power dynamic in a bullying situation is only relevant to the moment it occurs. If you succeed later in life, the bully may dismiss your achievements with a casual remark. You may become the president, but in their estimation, that is just another phase of your life. They may comment sarcastically, "Yeah, he's the prez now... but boy was he a sissy wuss when I 'flattened' him in the schoolyard." This dismissive attitude often stems from their underlying desire to maintain a sense of superiority, regardless of your later success.

The Benefits and Pitfalls of Success as Revenge

When individuals seek success as a form of revenge against their bullies, they may find some level of temporary satisfaction. Success can give them a sense of validation and power, which can help them regain a sense of control over their own lives. However, this type of revenge can be short-lived and may not address the underlying issues of the past bullying. Furthermore, it can perpetuate a cycle of negative feelings and can impact one's mental health and wellbeing in the long run. Success alone is not a panacea for the trauma of bullying. It does not erase the past experiences or the emotional pain they caused.

A Better Approach: Healing and Moving On

A more constructive approach to dealing with past bullying is to focus on healing and personal growth. This can involve several steps:

Seeking Support: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or professionals such as therapists who can offer emotional support and guidance. Understanding Your Worth: Work on building a positive self-image and recognizing that your value as a person is not defined by past experiences. Acknowledging Feelings: Allow yourself to process the emotions associated with past bullying. This can be a healing process that helps you to let go of negative memories. Setting Boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries in all areas of your life to protect yourself from future emotional harm.

Besides, avoiding gatherings such as high school reunions can be a wise decision. These events can remind you of the past and may trigger uncomfortable or painful memories. Engaging in activities and relationships that bring you joy and fulfillment can be more beneficial than re-covering from past events.

Conclusion

Success, while it can be a source of pride and accomplishment, is not the best or most effective way to address past bullying. The underlying reality is that bullies often do not care about your long-term success but are more focused on exerting control and dominance in the moment. To truly heal from bullying, prioritize personal growth, emotional well-being, and setting healthy boundaries. By doing so, you can move forward with a sense of resilience and self-worth, free from the lingering impact of past bullying.