The Preference of Adopted Children for Last Names: Choices and Considerations

The choice of whether adopted children should retain their biological last name or adopt their new family's last name can be a significant and deeply personal decision. Factors such as age at adoption, identity and belonging, cultural background, relationship with the biological family, and social considerations all play a role in shaping the preferences of these children. This article explores these aspects and shares insights from a personal adoption story.

Factors Influencing the Preference for Last Names

Adopted children's preference for their last names can vary widely based on their unique circumstances. The following are some of the key factors that influence their choices:

Age at Adoption

Younger children may not have a strong attachment to their biological last name, especially if they were adopted at a very young age. Older children, on the other hand, might feel a stronger connection to their heritage and prefer to keep their original name. For instance, a child adopted at 8, as in the case of the author's son, may have a stronger desire to retain their original last name to honor their past.

Identity and Belonging

Adopted children may wish to adopt their new family's last name to feel a sense of belonging and integration, especially if they have been raised in that family for a significant period. This can be particularly important for older children who have experienced a deep connection with their adoptive family.

Cultural Factors

Different cultural backgrounds can influence the preference for last names. In some cultures, family names carry significant meaning and may be valued more highly. Children from such backgrounds may feel a sense of pride and continuity by maintaining their original last name.

Relationship with Biological Family

The relationship with the biological family can also play a crucial role in the child's decision. If the child has a positive relationship with their biological family, they might want to retain their original last name as a way of honoring and celebrating this bond. Conversely, if the adoption was due to negative circumstances, the child may prefer the new family name to distance themselves from the past.

Social Considerations

Social perceptions and the need for fitting in can also affect a child's preference. Children who want to be accepted by their peers may choose a name that aligns more closely with their new family environment.

A Personal Story

The author's children were 5 and 7 when adopted. The older child chose to keep his previous last name as a second middle name, while the younger child completely discarded it. Their choices were influenced by their personal feelings and experiences.

The author's son was adopted at 8 years old and knew his biological mother, who was the author's niece. Despite the author's desire to give the child her last name, the child preferred to keep his original name. The author notes that his son felt a strong connection to his biological mother and siblings, and this influenced his decision.

Conclusion

The decision on whether adopted children should keep their biological last name or adopt their new family's last name is deeply personal and can differ greatly among children. Open communication and a supportive environment that allows children to express their feelings are crucial in helping families navigate this aspect of adoption.