The Raising of LDS Kids: Strictness, Beliefs, and Family Traditions

The LDS Church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) is known for its strict adherence to religious teachings and practices. However, how strictly LDS kids are raised depends largely on the beliefs and inclinations of their parents and family traditions. While the church itself does not interfere with family decisions, the level of strictness can vary widely.

Factors Influencing the Strictness of LDS Parenting

The strictness of LDS parenting varies based on the individual families and regions. For instance, LDS families in San Francisco might be more liberal-minded compared to families in the rural Midwest. Additionally, American LDS families are generally considered more strict than their European counterparts, but somewhat less strict than those from the Middle East.

For some families, strictness is defined by practices such as observing the Sabbath and avoiding certain leisure activities on Sundays. In our home, we seldom watched television on Sundays out of respect for the Sabbath, and one of our teenagers even remarked, 'You two are the biggest religious fanatics in the ward!' This was in response to watching the Super Bowl, while the youth in the ward were allowed to watch it at the bishop's house.

Experiences of LDS Families

While some parents might create a nurturing and wonderful environment for their children, others might be strict in a rigid and concerning manner. Many people have shared stories of families in which parents were described as religious fanatics who, in their zeal, resorted to physical and emotional abuse. Unfortunately, the raising of children often depends on the emotional and mental stability of the parents, and within a strictly patriarchal system, a subordination and devaluation of women and children can occur. There is also more closet sexual abuse and the men of the church covering up violations of children.

During a stricter time in history, the mindset of the Mormon/lds church remains unchanged. Culturally, punishments were harsher, and people were more literal in meaning, with hard physical work being the norm. Men were charged with protecting their families, and thus, they were the final word on everything in the family. Today, this mindset is outdated, as society has evolved and improved in various ways. We no longer practice beating children, and we use more humane methods of discipline and child-rearing.

Intergenerational Violence and Emotional Abuse

The intensity of the religious rigidity in the Mormon/lds church can lead to lowered self-esteem, anger, frustration, and feelings of helplessness. Even if a parent does not lay a physical hand on their child, the emotional and psychological abuse can be life-altering and lead to severe mental health issues. Examples include disowning a child for refusing to go on a mission or shaming and belittling a gay son. The church's strict doctrine, including the relentless pursuit of perfection, can damage a person's self-esteem, leading to feelings of shame and helplessness.

The church's intense indoctrination and expectation of perfection can contribute to a cycle of intergenerational violence and abuse. Parents who are emotionally and mentally crippled from their own upbringing in the church may pass these behaviors on to their children, fostering a destructive cycle. While we have evolved as a society and abandoned harsher forms of discipline, the strictness and dogmatism of the church contribute to a rigid mindset that is incongruent with modern values.

It is important for families in the LDS community to seek support and counseling if they are struggling with emotional and psychological abuse. By breaking the cycle of strict traditionalism and promoting a more nurturing and understanding environment, we can foster a healthier and more positive society for all families.