The Struggle of Being Fat: Coping with Shame and Health Issues

I am someone who was a skinny kid, always active, and lean and fit most of my life. I exercised at least 5 days a week and maintained an average adult weight of around 130 pounds. I have never been an overeater; I don’t like super fatty foods and I don’t really eat fast food either.

However, my health took a dive some years later. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and put on steroids, which I’ve been on for years – a low dose that has brought about significant changes in my life. Within just a year, I gained around 60 pounds, and I’ve been around 100 pounds overweight since 2020. Currently, I weigh around 220 pounds and I feel absolutely disgusting. I feel as if I weigh 600 pounds. I avoid mirrors; looking at myself makes me cry. I’ve worn nothing but leggings and oversized t-shirts since 2020 and I have become a recluse as I feel disgusting.

The Devastating Effects of Fat Shaming

My health problems have also intensified due to weight gain. I now struggle with heart issues and pre-diabetes. Moving my body has become so uncomfortable that I struggle to get up. I wish I could understand how people who weigh more than me cope with it. It’s so difficult to imagine that anyone could live with so much physical discomfort and self-doubt.

Additionally, since becoming obese, not a single man has flirted with me. Instead, I’ve been laughed at, mocked, and treated with total disrespect. People assume that I eat high-fat foods and huge portions, but that’s not true. I often have salads for dinner, rarely have lunch, and enjoy a modest breakfast. Even my doctors have ignored the fact that they put me on steroids, blaming me for the weight gain.

I am trapped in this body as long as I take steroids, and doctors are doing nothing to help me get off them. I have been asking for years. I work out every single day; a 45-minute walking workout leaves me with a soaked t-shirt and a sense of grossness. I keep going because that is what I did when I used to achieve a lean and fit body as a result. Now, I get nothing but discomfort and a feeling of being cursed by God.

Counting Blessings and Seeking Support

Those of you who are not on steroids and have no health conditions that prevent you from losing weight, count your blessings. You are lucky because you can shift the weight. I cannot. It feels as if you are blessed with the ability to control your weight, while I am fighting a losing battle.

If you have experienced similar struggles or know someone who does, please share your insights and coping mechanisms. Let’s support each other and advocate for better healthcare that addresses the root causes of weight gain and its associated health issues.