Unconventional Wisdom: How My Child’s Dealing with Bullying Makes Him Smarter Than Me
‘Smart’ is such an abstract term in my opinion. It can be expressed in so many ways, and I think intelligence can be as diverse as the species of insects on this planet. The scientific community discovers new species every day, but I am no scientist. I am just a parent, like many of you.
A Different Kind of Smart
My son’s experience with bullying during his transition to a new school stands out in my memory. Midway through the second semester, on one particular day, my son solemnly jumped into the backseat of the car and stared out the window as I drove off to school. He had a lost and confused look on his face.
Out of nowhere, he said, “I love you Dad.” This wasn’t unusual for us as we say “I love you” to each other frequently, but it was the timing and his somber tone that caught my attention. When I asked how school was today, he began to complain about a bully and his friends’ disappointment in him.
He went on to describe a big kid in his class who had been pushing around the other kids ever since school started. Initially, this bully was nice to my son, but as my son started questioning why this bully was picking on others, he became a target as well. This got extremely intense as my son told me about giving a speech to his friends on the importance of being free, responsible, and not letting others dictate their lives.
Total Game of Thrones vibes, huh? He’s only 7 years old, and yet he grasped concepts like “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” At that moment, I felt so proud of him, living a scene straight from a movie like Independence Day/Stranger Things. He inspired his friends, especially the victims, to stand together against oppression. I confidently asked, “Did everyone listen to you and stop the bully?” The response was heart-wrenching: 'No. Everyone, including the smartest kid in my group who gets picked on the most due to being the smallest, ran off to play tag with the bully. I stood there alone.'
My son asked, “What did I do wrong?” His innocent yet disturbed question had me almost in tears. Despite his disappointment, his determination and emotional resilience were evident. He believed the smartest kid in his group ignored his call to stand up, thinking he needed friends rather than being independent.
A New Kind of Friendship
My son’s insight about real friends versus fake friends turned out to be deeply wise. He realized that if you can’t be yourself around your friends and have to pretend every day, it might be better to be alone. More importantly, he understood that friends should support each other, not just for companionship but to help each other grow.
His bravery in standing up to the bully at the risk of his own friendships only solidified my pride. I teared up as I told him, “Yes, that’s why I don’t have a lot of friends, too. But I’m the luckiest Dad in the world because I have you as one of my best friends, if not the best-est.” He smiled and moved to the front seat to give me a hug, saying, “That’s why I’m not sad about not having any friends, but you aren’t with me at school everyday. Dad, when will I find another best friend like you?”
He reminded me, “Old souls like yourself are like red diamonds, very rare. So it will be worth the wait.” This realization that my son was wise enough to let go of what he couldn’t control, and focus on what he could, was incredibly powerful.
Emotional Intelligence and Survival
My son had to tough it out and survived the bullying by finding solace in solo activities like bottle flipping. He wasn’t sad when playing alone; instead, he was excited to show me the new tricks he was mastering. This demonstrated not only his problem-solving skills but also a sense of self-worth that comes from achieving personal goals.
Unfortunately, the bullying didn’t stop, and my son was repeatedly isolated and ignored at school. After one particularly traumatic incident, I pulled him out of that school immediately. Now, he’s in a new school where he isn’t bullied anymore, but he’s still looking for a best friend. Four years later, my son and I are closer than ever.
Lessons in Resilience and Wisdom
As a parent, I am not angry at any of these kids because they don’t know better. My son admitted to being hurt but isn’t angry at anyone. He believes all that matters is the daily progress he makes, such as landing new bottle flipping tricks. At 11, his answer was both innocently profound and heartwarming.
He told me, “I don’t think about what happened at all. All I remember is trying everyday to land new bottle flipping tricks.” This sentiment shows his resilience and wisdom in focusing on his own growth and self-worth. I found his answer so profoundly innocent that I almost offered him a PlayStation 4. Instead, I told him I love him, gave him a long hug, and praised him for his courage and determination.
Is how my child deals with situations like bullying and finding his own way through challenges ‘smart’? Some might not think so, but that's for you to decide for yourself!