Understanding Your Long-Term Therapist: Insights and Appropriate Boundaries

Working with a therapist for over 15 years is a significant milestone in both their professional journey and your personal growth. During this extensive period, you may naturally accrue a wealth of knowledge about their life, from personal updates to career achievements. This article explores the appropriate sharing and understanding of these insights within the context of a therapeutic relationship.

Sharing Personal Updates

Therapists often face personal life changes such as the loss of loved ones, marriage, divorce, the arrival of new family members, or relocations. These events can impact their ability to keep therapy appointments. Thankfully, many such updates and lessons learned can be shared in a way that supports the therapeutic relationship without blurring boundaries.

For example, if a therapist's parent passes away, it is acceptable and even beneficial to share a balance of how this affects their personal life and their need for time off—provided it is shared in a professional manner. This can enhance your understanding of their availability and the reasons behind unexpected cancellations. Similarly, events like award ceremonies or the publication of articles may be noted and discussed to build trust and rapport.

Personal Information and Boundaries

While therapists are professionals, they are also individuals with personal lives. Sharing neutral personal information can create a more human connection between the client and therapist. For instance, mentioning a childhood incident or a family event can make the therapist appear more relatable without invading private space.

It is important to maintain a professional tone. Avoid overly personal questions or information that could cause discomfort. Instead, ask open-ended questions that allow the therapist to share as much or as little as they are comfortable with. This approach respects their need for privacy and allows for a healthy therapeutic environment.

My Long-Term Therapist Experience

I began therapy with my first therapist in 1988, spanning up to 2001. Then, I had a break and resumed with a different therapist from 1990 to 1993, followed by a period from 2007 to 2011, and reconnected with the initial therapist for ongoing sessions starting in 2017. Over these 15 years, I have gained a considerable understanding of my therapist and their family. This insight has been partly due to our small-town living situation, and partly because my therapist occasionally refers to their family members during sessions. For instance, statements like, 'Small Child and I had a discussion in the car today about...,' or 'I can’t see you that day because Small Child has a horse show,' highlight how our relationship has evolved alongside shared background details.

These insights have not only enriched our therapeutic relationship but also provided me with a sense of understanding and connection. Knowing that my therapist cares about me, is honest with me, and has my best interests in mind is crucial. Such understanding and trust are hallmarks of an effective therapeutic relationship.

Ultimately, it is essential to strike a balance between gaining insight and respecting the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship. The goal is to foster a supportive, nurturing environment that encourages personal growth and healing.