The Mask of a Narcissist: A Divorce Story

Three years have passed since I was divorced from my ex-husband, who was diagnosed with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). He is now an easy-going, attention-seeking father, completely different from when he either ignored or abused our children before. What is going on?

O honey, it is his new mask.

It's understandable that you haven't seen him every day for the past three years, and the vile image of him has been covered up. He is still the narcissist that you know. Narcissists are masters of adapting. If you were to walk back into his life, the pathetic waste beneath that mask would eventually resurface, even worse than before. Don't let his new facade fool you. They do not change!

The Act of a Narcissist

Your ex is just capable of putting on a front. I do believe people can change. But narcissists never do. And only you would know if he was truly a narcissist because you were there. So don't fall for the new and improved version. He's only trying to play a game that sadly, someone will eventually fall for. Narcissists are funny in trying to be something or someone they’re not, and I laugh at their fakeness.

Does It Matter if the Abuser is a Narcissist?

Does your abuser have to be a narcissist for you to start the healing and move on? No, it doesn't. And how do you know that he's sincerely “like a different person”? In my opinion, unless you are with him every day and night to see the long-term change, you won't be able to tell for sure. Abusers, whether narcissists or not, enjoy waiting you out and only showing you what they want you to see. It's only when they have you alone that you'll know for certain if they've truly changed. Stay strong.

Be Wary of a Second Discard

Remember, he discarded you in a brutal fashion once before. If you're thinking of taking him back, be prepared for discard number two. If he is a narcissist, then they can give the appearance of change until they have their hooks in you again, then they'll revert to their old self. Think long and hard; whether narcissist or not, this guy dumped you and hurt you – is that love? I don’t think so. Wake up, sister, you deserve better; don’t waste any of your precious life on someone who has already hurt you.

A Word of Warning: Confronting a Person of Rage

Dealing with someone of rage is very dangerous. You should never associate with them again. Is he different now? Have you had a strong disagreement with him? Have you relit the sexual part of the relationship? Listen, you can roll the dice if you want to. But a person who doesn't have self-control is extremely dangerous. Be careful. Protect your mental and emotional health.