Why Do People in Bihar Take Pride in Giving Dowry?
Understanding the complex dynamics of dowry in Bihar and other parts of India, where it often carries both deep-rooted cultural traditions and contemporary challenges, is crucial for comprehending its significance. While the practice of dowry is often viewed negatively, many families in Bihar still view it with pride for various reasons.
Cultural Traditions
In Bihar, as in many regions of India, dowry has been a longstanding tradition deeply embedded in cultural practices. Families take pride in offering dowry as a way to honor their daughters and ensure their well-being in their new households. These practices are often passed down through generations, making dowry an important aspect of familial pride and cultural heritage.
Personal Experiences in Bihar
Growing up in a farmer's family in Bihar, my personal experiences highlight the stark realities faced by families. From early morning milk collection to the arduous task of irrigating the fields, the daily life of rural families is physically demanding. My grandfather and uncles would often wake up at 5 am to start their day, making sure the cattle had water and the fields were irrigated. The physical labor and early mornings reflect the dignity and respect accorded to women in household and agricultural work, showcasing the resilience of womanhood.
The women in the family, including grandmothers like Dadi, took on the arduous tasks of cleaning, cooking, and caring for the animals. Despite the division of household chores, the women's work is just as vital as that of the men, often being the main source of food for the household well before the men returned for the midday meal.
Social Status
Another reason families in Bihar take pride in giving dowry is the social status and wealth it reflects. The amount and quality of dowry can be seen as an indicator of a family's social standing. Providing a substantial dowry is often viewed as a way to enhance one's reputation in the community and showcase financial prowess. This pride in social status is deeply ingrained, especially in communities where dowry is seen as a measure of a family's financial strength and social influence.
Marriage Security
For some families, dowry serves as a security blanket in a new marital home. They believe that a dowry can give their daughters leverage and a sense of security. This perceived security can be a significant factor in decisions made about dowry, even though the idea of leverage can be subtle and often misunderstood. The belief that the dowry can influence the behavior and financial stability of the new household is a prevalent notion.
Family Expectations
The practice of dowry is often expected, and families feel societal pressure to conform to these norms. Many believe that fulfilling this expectation is an important part of the marriage process, a tradition they want to uphold. The pride in meeting these expectations is rooted in the cultural fabric of the community, and families take great satisfaction in adhering to these customs.
Celebration of Marriage
For some, giving dowry is seen as an integral part of the marriage celebration. It is viewed as a contribution to the couple's new life together, symbolizing the family's joy and support. The notion of celebrating marriage through an elaborate dowry is a cherished tradition that continues to exist in many families.
Challenges and Controversies
Despite the pride and tradition, it is essential to recognize that the practice of dowry is highly controversial and has led to significant social issues. Violence against women and financial strain on families are common concomitants. Efforts are ongoing in India to address these issues and promote gender equality. However, the deeply rooted cultural practices make it challenging to completely eradicate the tradition overnight.
The Modern Perspective
Many families in Bihar are acutely aware of the financial and social implications of dowry. They often see it as a way to secure their daughter's future and provide financial support in the event of unexpected expenses, such as a medical emergency. However, the pressure to provide ever-larger dowries is often driven by a desire to compete with other families, leading to a cycle of increasing demands.
Conservative Attitudes and Government Jobs
Much of the pride in providing a dowry is tied to the prestige of government jobs. Families often prefer to have government employee sons-in-law, as these are considered secure and stable employment. This preference can lead to families demanding higher dowries if their son is employed by the government. Even IIT graduates may feel inferior in comparison to a railway group D employee when it comes to dowry demands, highlighting the deep-rooted bias and societal expectations.
Gendered Perspective
Girls' parents in Bihar are also caught in this cycle of pride and pressure. They want their daughters to marry well and often compete to get a smart and eligible son-in-law, feeling proud by giving dowry. This competition can lead to financial strain and serve as a measure of a family's worth and standing in the community.
Conclusion
The practice of dowry in Bihar is a complex and multifaceted tradition deeply rooted in social and cultural contexts. While it reflects pride in heritage and social status, it also perpetuates issues of gender inequality and financial strain. As awareness and advocacy for gender equality continue to grow, it is hoped that these traditions can evolve to promote true equality and respect for all individuals, regardless of their gender or social status.