Why Older Adults May Act Like Children After Losing a Partner
I am sorry to hear about your mother's struggles after your father's passing. It is not uncommon for older adults to exhibit behaviors that may seem childlike or dependent, especially after experiencing significant loss. Here are a few reasons why this might happen.
Grief and Loneliness
The loss of a partner can lead to profound grief and feelings of loneliness. Your mother may be struggling to cope with these emotions, which can manifest as a need for more attention and support. Grief is a complex and individual experience, and everyone deals with it in their own way. Your mother might be seeking someone to share her stories with, even if it's not someone who is no longer with her.
Loss of Routine
Your father likely played a significant role in her daily life. With his absence, she may feel lost or unsure of how to fill her time, leading to a sense of dependency on others for entertainment or companionship. Establishing a new routine can be challenging, especially when there are gaps that need to be filled. Encouraging small, routine-based activities can help her feel more anchored and in control.
Cognitive Changes
Aging can bring about cognitive changes such as decreased problem-solving skills or difficulty with planning and organizing activities. This may contribute to her reliance on others for engagement. Cognitive changes are normal as people age, but they can make everyday tasks more challenging. Providing simple activities that can be completed independently can help maintain her cognitive function and provide a sense of accomplishment.
Emotional Vulnerability
Older adults may feel more vulnerable after losing a loved one, leading them to seek comfort in familiar childlike behaviors as a way to cope with their emotional state. Emotions can be overwhelming, and it can be difficult to find new ways to express them. Offering a safe space for her to share her feelings can be incredibly valuable.
Social Isolation
If her social circle has diminished, she might find it harder to engage with others, leading to feelings of boredom or a lack of motivation to seek out activities independently. Social isolation can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and sadness. Encouraging her to join social groups or participate in activities she enjoys can help combat social isolation and provide a sense of belonging.
To help your mother, consider encouraging her to engage in activities she enjoys whether it's hobbies, social groups, or even volunteering. Additionally, being patient and providing emotional support can help her navigate this challenging time. If her behavior continues to be concerning, it might also be beneficial to consult a professional for guidance.
Personal Experiences
I speak from experience - although I am younger, my husband of 32 years and best friend died 18 months ago, and I am lost. I am independent and capable, and I always thought that I'd be 'just fine.' Yet, what I didn't realize is that you lose the sharing of your life. There's no one to tell the funny story to... no one to share the stories that you saved up from your day. You can chat with the neighbors, friends, families, but you're still spending most of your day alone—it's shocking and sad.
Moreover, you can't just replace the person who knew you so intimately. I won't leave long enough to have someone in my life as long as my husband was. No one will ever know ‘and get me’ like he did. The loneliness is shocking and debilitating.
To be clear, I am one of the strongest, most capable women that I know, and I am lost.
These experiences highlight that grief and the loss of a loved one affect everyone differently. It's essential to acknowledge these feelings and seek support when needed. Remember, it's okay to feel lost and overwhelmed during such times. Offering a listening ear and a helping hand can make all the difference.